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When I die, I want my ashes to be sprinkled on the soil of my plants, I would love to grow along with them again. Cause I am so done with humans.  They teach equality in schools and colleges, where puberty is taught secretly dividing girls and boys. I remember how my school teacher taught us the topic of reproduction, as if it is a crime to be told or discussed in public.  Women's bodies have always been a topic of shame! When your husband isn't happy in bed, it's the woman who is first to be blamed! I was avoiding writing about it, so I decided not to write, because I am afraid of even imagining what has happened and what was on the verge of happening. But then I just couldn't resist. What exactly is the fault? What exactly is the excuse now? Stepping foot outside the house? Getting a job? Being educated? Wearing a "White" coat? Existing? What else?? I don't even think I need to clarify what this is about.  If you aren't aware then just stop ...

It's the end of June!  The month of rain, of thunder and lightning and wet umbrellas and raincoats, brewing coffees, boiling teas, frying pakoras, maggie bowls, cosy blankets, muddy shoes, dirty window panes, leaking sheds, power cuts, scented candles, humid air, screaming bookshelves, wet jeans, the gentle sound of my Nanu's snores, singing bulbuls, parakeets, mynas, magpie robins, sunbirds, spotted doves, tiny flowerpeckers, kingfishers, common tailorbirds, cuckoos, howling of the greater coucals, and their flooding hearts dancing in rain. This is why I am in love with this month, because it is always full of stories.  . People say rain heals. Maybe or maybe not. Rain opens the wounds every time and it stings.  It reminds me of home, of sorrows, of the battles that I have been through and the battles that are yet to be fought, the downs and the swaddling wounds while making paper boats. . The month reminds me that you can't just run away from your pain, you can't rip ...

Empty Bucket🤌 To what extent can something go wrong? I mean how can you just practice "non-thinking?" It is so difficult sometimes to let go of things. Nope, scratch that, it is difficult almost every time to let go of things.  You start doubting your own self. It is difficult to recognize what exactly is hurting you. Sometimes it is not the situation, it is just the feeling you had invited at that particular moment.  Everything is connected you see, almost everything.  There is no life without the fear of dying, Things don't turn out well sometimes. Uncle George taught us a very interesting thing today.  We don't really know in what all things we lack or are left behind. We assume that we are skilled in certain things but in reality, we are not.  The moment we realise this, it's like a tight slap in the face. We are not able to accept things easily, especially defeat. These assumptions are dangerous sometimes. They tell you to secretly hope for thi...

I sometimes wish that a part of me could travel out of my own body to see me.  I want to rip my body and see how the organs actually work, especially the heart. I want to see how it beats when my thoughts race as if in a marathon and see if there are any words hidden in my spine, cause I can't express myself without them. I want to see how I look when I feel homeless, when my words betray me, when they just don’t meet me for months, and how my thoughts rot and finally die. How their death makes me vulnerable to things around me. Do they rest on my body? Maybe my rotten thoughts give me circles around the eyes.  I want to see if this makes me look ugly? Cause I believe that when you let your pain express itself, it transforms into something beautiful.  But most of the time I don't let it escape. I keep it inside my body for a long time and when it explodes, it makes no sound.  I want to see how it explodes. I want to see the phase of me listening to white ...

31st December 2023,  There comes a time in our life where you feel nothing, absolutely nothing. You feel empty!  Last week of the year is always full of emotions. It always makes me sad, it reminds me that time’s running so fast.   Today is the last day of this year and suddenly I am feeling a lot. Yesterday, I opened a suitcase which had all the albums from my Nani's vacation trips to my childhood memories.  Going back to the origin always helps, to fill in the empty spaces in your life. A moment of introspection is all it takes.  We cannot stop time, we cannot change the speed or slow it down.  What is gone is gone forever! So why not just go back through these photographs, and identify what all you had left behind, what all you had to leave behind and what all you are able to take with you now. Cause there's always something which is left un-identified.  Photographs are not just the pictures of the past, but a medium to travel back in ti...

Sometimes you just don’t want to be anyone. So you decide to be “you” A body with a soul, raw, untouched.  I know it's difficult, but it's not impossible.  I have this fear of losing things, and I get mad when I am not able to find it. Not because “I” own them, but “they” own me. And I feel as if they would be searching for me, because they too have fear of losing me.  When I say things, I literally mean only things. (I am not mentioning people here so don’t try to relate it with losing people) When I say things what I mean is, my pen’s cap, my leaf book marks, rough pages, rings, scrunchies, beads, shirt buttons, spoons, pencil, nail paint bottles, safety pins, toothbrush, paintbrushes, earphones, charger, comb, polaroids, dried flowers, amazon boxes, dried fruit peels, freetime 2 inch sketches, and the list goes on and on.   I try to keep them safe. The thing is when you can't adjust with homosapiens, you choose an entirely different species. The f...