Embracing the Chaos!

-


I know, I know – it's too early for 2025 and too late for the second part of "Verse of Silence." To be honest, I've been procrastinating. The videos were ready, but they needed some arrangement and editing. Today was finally the day I decided to just do it. The past two months have been a roller coaster. My routine was nonexistent, everything was changing, but June was kind to me, and July is going well so far. Let's not even talk about May; that was a rough experience. I know I'm not really talking about the "Verse of Silence" yet, and I'm not sure if I will in the next paragraph.

So much is going on in my head, and I don't really know what to bring to paper first, so I've just decided to keep writing. There's no flow to this, so if you're looking for something motivating and positive, you might want to stop reading. Consider this a disclaimer, because I'm just pouring out what's inside.

I like repetition and stability. I'm not a big fan of adventures and all that. I know many people love it, but honestly, I don't belong to that group. 

Anyway, about the video: while arranging the clips, I realized that this time, the silence is a bit chaotic – you guys might find it chaotic. But I've already found my peace in it, so I don't know how you all will relate to it.

Some of you texted me to keep writing and posting routinely because the Instagram algorithm would function better. I'm sorry, but I can't write like that. I need to be filled up to the brim to let it out on paper. My words just don't knock at my door sometimes for days, even for months. And that's okay, I guess.

The video clips may not be very convincing or fancy, but that's exactly the point: no matter how fancy the band-aid is, the wound is always ugly. So I kept it raw, just the way it is. I'm not a good videographer or editor. The sole aim of this video was simply to remind myself that these are the places where my heart felt a little less heavy. They make me feel less lonely.

Mumbai! I honestly thought I wouldn't be able to live here for more than a year, even though it's my birthplace. At first, it wasn't good to me; it was chaotic, fast, and always running and chasing something. It was difficult to match the speed, so I always felt like I wasn't enough – and sometimes I still do. I'm working on it. But eventually, the city taught me how to build a home in this chaos. It taught me how to survive. No, I'm not in love with the city – not yet! It's just that there are days when it hugs me, and there are days when it lets me fall. This may not be a verse, but it's a piece of my heart.

Monsoon hasn't left the city yet, and I'm grateful for it. I love this season. I love how July is treating me so far. There are voices around me, but they are teaching me how to be at peace, and I guess that's enough. I'm not in a hurry, so it's okay.

But then I do miss home. I miss my Nanu's snores, my Lily's warm hug, the dog hair on my clothes and bedsheet. My plants have stopped complaining about my Papa when he forgets to water them because I guess they've found a new home in his presence. The beach can wait a little longer until I meet the waves again and they can tell me about the dreams that didn't make it, and who all cried and whose tears they carried with them. The rain will find a way to share its stories through thunderstorms and lightning. I hate raincoats, so it knows how to reach me! This season is helping to rejuvenate; it's teeming but peaceful at the same time. I no longer need to find silence; it always has a way to find me. You see, silence is anything you want it to be. 

Shruti.

Go check it out👇🏽

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reflection.

-
Image
I know coffee makes me anxious, and I don't usually have it at home. But sometimes winter makes me lazy, and I end up making it. It's 6:21 AM, and I am sitting next to my bedroom window with a scented candle and a cup of coffee. Lily is lying next to me. Winter is resting on my bed sheets, on my shelf, and on my pillows. The metal grills of my window are freezing cold, and I love to touch them. Dew drops are falling, I can hear the subtle sounds. My bedroom clock is ticking, 'tik tik tik tik tik,' and this feeling just makes me numb. It doesn't allow me to feel or to write. Every time I try to write, I have to bring each and every thought of mine to the surface, and these sounds don't allow me to concentrate. It's not a distraction; I may call it my lack of attention. And sometimes I feel unworthy of writing because I cannot be who I am pressuring myself to be, and I am not honest while typing. I am a chameleon, shifting and shedding layers of di...
Read more

Silence🌪

-
Image
Silence is fascinating, the way it exists, and identifies itself. It is intangible yet has the power to speak volumes. Silence is "you" trying to live, it is beautiful when you listen to it. It is within your body, travelling through the veins, between your fingernails, and stretchmarks, echoing in your bones and resonating in your cells, it is the story of your wounds, it is everywhere! Sometimes it haunts you and gets in your way, while other times it is an open sky waiting to be explored.  It is a blank verse written with the rhythm left out by someone or the sob of an old man trying to hold back his tears when he is abandoned. It is the sound of beetles in the night transforming into a lullaby, or the birds chirping in the morning sun to call their lost ones back home.  Sometimes it's the wrong notes of your ukulele played, while the other times it is just the story of a fallen star fulfilling someone's wish. It is the sound of rain and thunder or the ...
Read more